


How to wed a Baron in 30 days

by squarephoenix



Category: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Con Artists, Dubious Morality, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Marriage of Convenience, Mentioned Chewbacca, Post-Solo: A Star Wars Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 18:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21342961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squarephoenix/pseuds/squarephoenix
Summary: Lando is preparing to walk down the aisle but Han has something to say about that.
Relationships: Lando Calrissian/Han Solo, Lando Calrissian/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	How to wed a Baron in 30 days

**Author's Note:**

> My first time writing for these. And I'm ashamed it took me so long.

Sometimes even Lando was amazed by himself. In a short while, he'll have another fantastic chapter to add in the Calrissian Chronicles titled  _ 'How to wed a Baron in 30 days’. _

Not to be confused with the other chapter of  _ ‘How to bed a Baron in 30 minutes’ _ . Although some methods applied to both.

This con was no easy feat either. Lando had to keep up a guise of wealth that meant exhausting his funds, including his  _ ‘never-to-be-touched-unless-he’s-got-a-mean-loan-shark-on-his-ass’  _ emergency funds and the money he was saving for a new ship. But the payout would be tenfold what he invested once he walked down the aisle and said  _ ‘I do’ _ . Staring at the engagement ring on his finger, glimmering brightly from the light of the chandelier above, Lando knew the ring passed down from generation to generation in the Karlax family would lead to guaranteed fat payday.

That was until none other than Han Solo came through the door escorted by Lando’s soon to be husband, interrupting Lando from admiring the fruits of his labor decorating his ring finger.

“My love, you didn't tell me you have a half brother.”

A half brain scum rat was a better title for Han.

“How could you not tell your soon to be husband about your  **younger** brother--” Han threw back the cape resting on his shoulders in an overly flouncy manner. A cape that belonged to Lando. And what exactly was Han trying to say about Lando with that gesture? “Han Calrissian. And yes, all the stories you've heard about me are true. Well, that would be if my dear brother had told any stories about me.”

Lando clenched his hand into a fist but maintained a cool facade that Han’s fake haughty laughter threatened to break.

This was not happening. The guests had arrived. Lando had finally nailed down his choice for a suit to wear down the aisle after going through a vast selection that made him almost weep in joy to go through. The finish line was in sight. Han was  **not** going to blow this.

“Ah, I see your fabulous style runs in the family.” The Baron said, commenting on Han’s appearance - somehow taken in by the foolish act.

Han grinned wearing clothes that had no place on a scum rat like him.  _ Style? What style?  _ The only difference in Han’s wardrobe was if he’d wear a jacket or a vest that day over his overly worn tan shirt that Lando was convinced had started off white at one point in time. 

“Light of my life, I need to… catch up with my dear brother. Privately.” Lando smiled with all teeth as if nothing was wrong and escorted Han to his temporary room in the palace  _ (he was staying in a palace!) _ where he had his own walk-in closet that was big enough to store every item of clothing he’d ever owned and ever wished to own. And the Baron promised to fill another one like it in their new shared room once they got back from their honeymoon.

Lando may very well murder Han to keep that beautiful dream alive.

He turned off his charm as soon as he was alone with Han in a secluded room. Taking Han to his guest room would have been too much of a trek in the sprawling palace and getting around still was confusing. He didn’t want to waste time trying to find his room. It wouldn’t be the first time he was lost within the monochromatic designed palace where every hall and door looked the same as the last. He needed to get this done. Now. 

“Where is  _ your _ better half? Do I need to be concerned about an eight-foot tall carpet trying to walk me down the aisle claiming to be my father?”

“Geez. How do you breathe with this thing around your neck?”

Lando should've let Han strangle himself, instead he slapped the other man’s hands away from his collar and adjusted the chain link. If Han was going to wear his stuff, he could at least wear it properly. He did look quite dashing, Lando hated to admit when he was so mad with him.

“What are you doing here? And why do you have my clothes?”

“I might’ve held on to them after our last… rendezvous.”

“Oh, right…”

* * *

It had been during a particularly low moment after Lando lost his ship to Han. After the public humiliation of his loss, Lando entered the Falcon for what would be his last time, or so he thought at the time, to collect his belongings. He saved meticulously folding and sorting his dozens of capes and clothing from his quarters for last. 

Finished with his packing, he stared into the emptied closet - lost in thought of the adventures he had with the ship and all the plans for it he hadn’t yet fulfilled. That Siverian skin couch and a wet bar overlooked by a portrait of himself would’ve been great additions in the lounge area.

“No hard feelings, right? I mean, c’mon you kinda had it coming,” Han spoke at the exact wrong time, his grating voice coming from behind Lando. The former owner of the Falcon didn’t have it in him to look at the ship’s new owner just yet.

Lando snorted with derision. Han had beaten him at his own game of cheating with his hidden green sylop card. So yeah maybe Lando had it coming… but he could still be bitter about it. 

“You don't have to stand guard over me, I'm going as fast as I can.” Lando snapped, Han’s presence at his back feeling like an inky overcast.

Lando finally turned around when moments went by without hearing Han leave. He braced himself to see Han barely able to keep the excitement off his face over owning the Falcon. But instead, he saw Han leaning on the door frame offering an open bottle in hand.

It was a decent gesture, Lando had to admit. Something to help take the sting out of his loss. If only temporary.

It would’ve been nicer if Han had just left Lando alone with the bottle. But the smug no-good pirate had to have an extra cup for himself to join in as Lando took a swig straight from the bottle. Except Han wasn’t smug at all. And Lando wasn’t sure if that made the transfer of ownership easier or not.

Sometime after draining the bottle of Corellian rum, Lando awoke in his bunk for the first time as a guest. He cradled the pillow under his head determined to be as far away from his company as he could.

Once again Han couldn’t, or wouldn't, take the hint that Lando wanted his space. The current captain threw his arm around Lando yanking him away from the bunk’s edge to the soft hair of Han’s warm bare chest.

“I still hate you.” Lando made sure his voice was clear through the pillow he tried to smother himself with.

Han kissed the all too exposed area between Lando’s shoulder blades before muttering close to his ears, “I know.” 

* * *

Lando wished he could count that as an isolated incident brought on by a vulnerable moment but more followed over time. For all of Han’s faults, and there were many, he was not a backstabber. And that made him, and Chewie, top on a short list of people Lando could call to help with a gig too big for one smuggler. No matter the gig — big or small, successful or not — it inevitably ended with them shedding all their clothes and Chewbacca staying in the engine room to drown out any stray sounds.

Their last time together had been after yet another small-time gig that led Lando nowhere closer to getting him another ship as great as the Falcon. 

Somehow, they only ever managed to skate away with just enough to keep them afloat until the next job, or getting away with just their lives. And with Lando doing another walk of shame out of Han's cabin. Lando had known he was stuck in a rut.

So it was decided while sharing Han’s bed, with one final lingering look at Han’s sleeping form - his mouth hanging open slightly drooling, Han couldn’t even sleep with class - Lando scurried off leaving most of his outfit behind. Which showed how serious he was with cutting off ties. Because Lando loved that cape and shirt.

But he had a plan in mind to finally change his luck with a perfect score. For a sizeable investment, Lando was going to be a kept man.

* * *

Now Han stood in front of Lando, both literally and figuratively.

“You should fire whoever sent out the invitations. How do you think I felt seeing my old buddy Lando with his wide grinning mug featured on a trashy gossip holovid while getting some fruit from the market--” 

Lando cut Han off with a disbelieving laugh.

“Fine! I was getting some dried Bantha jerky,” Han ignored Lando’s disgusted shudder. “Anyway, I figure I should stop by and wish you a happy marriage. In person.” Han smiled, rolling on the balls of his feet.”

“Well, thank you. You’ve done it, so goodbye and give Chewie my regards.”

Han yanked his arm away from Lando’s attempt to escort him out. “Oh no, no, nope! I want in.” 

Lando knew there was no easy way to change Han’s mind once he was settled on a money-making scheme. Lando lost count of the number of times he and Chewie tried talking Han out of something when the odds looked against them. Han always liked not knowing the odds before he did something stupid. Or incredibly impressive. The two often went hand in hand. 

“Okay! I am warning you, Solo… Do. Not. Blow this.”

“Now or forever?” He replied, eyes suggestively roaming Lando’s body.

“Can you please go back to pretending to be me?”

“I thought I was?”

* * *

Han, true to his word, played it cool at the rehearsal dinner later that night. Too cool. To the point of being frosty to the other guests. And Lando wasn’t the only one to notice.

And things weren’t being helped with Han’s rehearsal toast. Lando had tried and failed to pry the mic away from Han when his fiance had suggested Lando’s  _ half-brother _ say a few words.

“Me and Lando here… we go way back. Had a lot of times together. More good than bad, though he’d never admit it.” Han stood in front of the crowd radiating the energy of a eulogy rather than a best man toast.

“You’re gonna have plenty of good times with this guy here.

Don’t take my word for it either. He ever tell you about his Calrissian Chronicles? It’s exactly what it sounds like,” Han grinned giving the room a welcome shift in atmosphere. Left some of ‘em with me, among some other things. And he mentions me a lot in those holovids he records of himself. But that’s all in the past, right?” And then Han took a turn for the worse, his face contorting into a frown. “Yep, no more of that.” He excused himself and stormed out of the room, grabbing another champagne glass on his way out, and leaving Lando’s guests to murmur amongst themselves. Lando followed after him after telling his soon to be husband that Han gets emotional when he drinks.

* * *

It didn’t take long to catch up with Han, finding him alone on the balcony overlooking the exotic garden filled with fauna from multiple systems all conjoined in one space. 

He took in Han’s clenched jaw as the man drank in silence.

“Why are you so worked up? You’re getting your share.” 

Even though that pirate did nothing to help with this score. Han only served to complicate things and give Lando more stress than he needed. So it was basically Han’s usual role when they were joined together on a job.

“What, do you feel sorry for him? I always knew you were a softie.”

“No! This may shock you but I did do my research on the  _ light of your life _ . I know what kind of guy he is. He’s getting no sympathy from me.”

The man Lando was marrying was the latest in a long line of jerks who amassed their wealth with their brand of smuggling that hurt ecosystems and broke about every law regarding plant and wildlife conservation. The exotic garden was a testament to his fiance’s line of work.

“So then what is it? Do you have an aversion to getting a real payday for once?”

“Because…” Han finished off his drink depositing the glass on the railing. He huffed and tugged on his hair, then threw his hands to the door as if the answer’s right behind Lando. Lando was just about to push at Han to continue when the other man burst out, “It’s because I don’t like him putting his hands all over you! I don’t like the images of the past month this has been going on that he’s been all over you! And I sure as hell don’t like what more he’s got planned for you once you tie the knot! If there’s anything even left…” 

Lando was taken back and not just because Han shouted it out like he was warning of incoming troopers, all panicked and on edge. “That’s… actually sweet. Didn’t I say you were a big softie.” Lando smiled at what he knew was Han mumbling a protest that he was in fact not a big softie. “But you don’t need to worry yourself, his culture is very strict about certain things before marriage.” And here Lando thought Han actually put more effort into the homework that he claimed to do.

“Like what certain things?”

“Like what we would always do after a good job… or more often, a bad job… or when we were bored… fighting… you insisting we share a shower to save water.”

Han looked like he was suddenly splashed with cold water. “Wait, wait! Are you telling me you and he never…?” 

Lando shook his head. 

“So he’s a…?” 

Lando nodded. 

“And he thinks you’re a…?” 

Lando nodded again. 

“Wow, Lando… I mean, I know you can charm the pants off just about anyone but I didn’t think you could charm someone into thinking you’ve never taken your pants off for anyone.” Han snorted. An honest to goodness snort came out. And it was kinda nice to hear again after Han spent most of the night crabby — more than usual anyway. And Han could feel the first real smile on his face that wasn’t from thinking about his payout.

Lando posing as a virgin. It was hilarious. Downright ridiculous, which was what Han would say if he wasn’t wheezing from laughing the further he thought about it. In fact, Lando could see the neck muscles on Han tense failing to keep himself from further laughing.

“Yes, well, lucky for me my reputation doesn’t precede me in this part of the galaxy.”

Han finally sobered up to speak. “Are you really planning on going through with this? Even the wedding night?”

“I’ve done a lot more for a lot less.” Lando looked pointedly at Han.

“Hey! Right back at ya, pal,” Han countered. “But that doesn’t answer my question.” He moved right into Lando’s space. His hands finding their way onto Lando’s hips and then pulled the groom close, vanishing the gap between them. “You’re gonna let him touch you like that?” Han’s breath tickled at Lando’s freshly licked lips.

“No big deal.” Lando kept his arms at his side. His eyes jumping from Han to around his shoulder to the door.

“Really? No big deal?” Han drawled then gently drew Lando’s face back by his chin. “Will you let him kiss you?” His mouth hovered tantalizingly close to Lando’s. Lando didn’t know whether their lips were touching or merely stimulated by the soft flow of air from their parted mouths.

“That’s usually how weddings end. With a kiss.”

“I’m talking about after the wedding. The wedding night. When the two of you are alone like this. Pressed together like this.”

Han snaked his arms around Lando pressing them impossibly closer together. He dipped his head and peppered kisses the exposed area at Lando’s collar.

“Han…” Lando swallowed hoping to relieve the dryness in his throat. And it wasn’t because of the thick tension between them.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Please tell me you turned that mic off when you left.” 

Han’s smooth tone cracked as he looked behind him where Lando’s eyes were fixed to the mic sitting innocently beside the empty champagne flute on the railing. Han croaked, “Uhh.” Which didn’t put Lando at ease. He didn’t wait for Han’s confirmation, he felt the answer in his bones. 

He knew he should have killed Han when the thought first came to him.

* * *

Lando spent the better part of three hours trying to convince the prince that it was a practical joke. A comedy skit. But all the crafty con man could manage was to avoid being beheaded for making a fool of the Baron and his family in front of their close friends and business associates.

* * *

Leaving the palace, Lando didn’t what was harder to say goodbye to: the ring or the closet. There were a lot of things that Lando would have to figure out next but getting a ride off the planet before the Karlax changed their minds wasn’t one of them.

“Thought you might need a lift.” Han leaned against the brace of the Falcon’s open hangar door. 

“This time I really mean it when I say I never want to see you again.”

Han hummed in consideration. “I still have the tickets to your honeymoon trip -- paid in full. For two.” 

Lando clenched his jaw, speeding into the ship. “Fine. After that THEN I never want to see again.”

“I was gonna take Chewie with me but I guess you’ll do.”

“So… what else did you manage to swipe?”

“Guess you’ll have to find out on our honeymoon. Baby.”

Surprisingly, this would turn out to be Lando’s favorite chapter yet.


End file.
